Easter Sunday victims cannot voice out their pain

Lives of 14 children were taken away on that fateful day at the Zion Church blasts

Rajani now channels her pain into the little grocery shop she has started

“I can’t even share my pain with my children and husband, because they start scolding me,” shared Rajani*, who lost her son in the bomb blast at Zion Church, Batticaloa. As a mother, Rajani cannot still come to terms with the loss of her son, but she cannot express her grief openly. Hers was a story similar to many mothers- who lost their children in the fateful bomb blasts- who are unable to express their grief in order to keep the peace in the family. “My family tells me not to talk about what happened and instead come to terms with it. I understand why they don’t want to talk about this, because these are painful memories that no one wants to recall over and over,” she said.  Like Rajani’s son, lives of 14 children were taken away on that fateful day at the Zion Church blasts. A total of 31 people perished in the attack on Zion Church. 

Broken family

That fateful day was Easter Sunday, and Rajani’s family was regular church-goers. As that day was Easter, Rajani sent them to church early. She was to follow later. Their father took them to church, while Rajani started making breakfast. Little did she know that the food would be left untouched and the festive atmosphere would soon turn sombre. Recalling the events of the day, Rajani remembers some of her neighbours coming over to her house and telling her that a bomb had gone off in the church. The events after that were a blur to her. “Next what I knew is that two of my children were badly injured and one was...” she breaks down, unable to complete the sentence. 

After the incident, Rajani’s older son estranged himself from the family. He believed that if his father wasn’t so insistent on sending them to church, his brother would have been alive. “He doesn’t talk to his father anymore. He talks to me whenever he comes over. He doesn’t come over often,” shares Rajani. For one of her daughters, the trauma of the incident has left an indelible mark on her. “If she hears her brother’s name or anyone talking about the incident, she gets very angry. She was very close to her brother, so losing him has been very hard on her. But she doesn’t want to talk about it and she doesn’t let any of us talk about it as well,” remarked Rajani. Regarding justice for her son’s death, Rajani is indifferent. “They promised us justice for almost three years, and we haven’t yet received it. I’ve lost hope in receiving justice,” she added. 

Their father took them to church, while Rajani started making breakfast. Little did she know that the food would be left untouched and the festive atmosphere would soon turn sombre. Recalling the events of the day, Rajani remembers some of her neighbours coming over to her house and telling her that a bomb had gone off in the church

Rajani now channels her pain into the little grocery shop she has started. She uses that as a distraction to divert her thoughts from the son she had lost and her family, but the thoughts are never far from her mind. 

Holding by a thread
For the women in Kattankudy, a Muslim- majority town 6.6km away from the church, that fateful day was when their family members were deemed as ‘terrorists’. That was the day when most households in Kattankudy converted to a woman-headed households as mostly, males of the households were detained under the Prevention of Terrorism Act (PTA) in relation to the attacks. 

Shafana*, whose husband was detained under the PTA, is a mother of two children aged 6 and 10. “My husband was detained because he had gone on the trip to Nuwara Eliya. He had gone with his friends thinking it was a trip, but it wasn’t so,” she stated, adding that her husband was diagnosed with late-stage cancer in the prison. 

Her husband had been the breadwinner of the family. Now Shafana had to take on that responsibility. She had taken up sewing to support her family. Shafana’s eldest, her son, understood his father was in prison, but the youngest, her daughter did not understand it yet. “I take them with me at times when I go to visit him and my daughter sees him being supported by prison officials because he is so weak. She says, ‘I will help you Dada, come home.’” 

As a young woman whose husband has been detained and as a single mother, Shafana has had to face many challenges. “People look at us differently. They exclude us because we are ‘terrorists’ to them. At school, the other children tell my children that they have no father,” she shared adding that she had to bury her pain and not break down, so that she could be strong for her children and her family- even though she knows that her husband’s days are numbered. 

Even though Rajani and Shafana are women caught in different circumstances. Rajani losing her son in the attacks and Shafana being the wife to one of the detainees alleged to be involved in the attacks- as women, as mothers, as wives, they are unable to voice out their pain. They have to put up a façade to hold their shattered family together.