just What we really need

5 December 2012 06:30 pm - 2 - {{hitsCtrl.values.hits}}

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Yours truly was awakened from the deepest slumbers by the delicious smell of frying bacon wafting across Diyawanna Oya. At first, good old Kumbhakarna thought it was a dream from the good old days (pre-2006) when he could afford bacon if he felt like it.

But this was no dream. It was indeed the smell of bacon fried for breakfast in our moralizing, sanctimonious Parliament. As a rule, this is not the birthplace of bright ideas, but last week somehow proved to be the exception. According to reliable sources, UNP parliamentarian Daisy Daffodils suddenly noticed that some essential items, such as bacon, bottled honey and cereals are absent from the Parliament’s breakfast menu. Her proposal was eagerly taken up by fellow parliamentarians, including her boss Ranil Wickremasinghe as well as her worst ideological enemies in parliament -- none of which surprises Kumbhakarna at all, for such is the power of bacon.

I understand that no one objected to the coming of bacon. Indeed, why should they? They will admonish the masses about the evils of bread (baked with American wheat flour and hence part of a Western conspiracy), and do their best to put it out of their reach. But bacon is another matter. While Kumbhakarna sees here a parallel with Marie Antoinette of 18th century France (cake instead of bread), no one has actually told the masses to eat bacon with bread instead of parippu hodi or plain tea. The taxpayer pays for his MP’s bacon that the latter can make the right decisions and make his future bright; and everybody, including the tax payer, should be happier. Even the opposition leader, whose protests aren’t taken seriously by anyone, hasn’t said a word. Let the man enjoy his bacon peacefully in parliament.

Kumbhakarna knows that international opinion is unpatriotic and subversive, but his bacon-starved brain takes malicious pleasure in doing so. “Bacon as a weapon of mass destruction.” That is the title of a You Tube video report with Arun Gupta by “Democracy Now!” in 2009. Let it be understood that people, including parliamentarians, have enjoyed bacon since Roman times. But it’s in 17th Europe that it became a common food of the peasants. Englishman John Hams began the mass-production of bacon in his Wiltshire-factory in the 1770s.

It might be a good idea to read people such as Arun Gupta while thinking of a second helping of sizzling bacon at the table. He says bacon has six ingredient types of umami, which results in an addictive neurochemical process. In other words, it’s as addictive as alcohol, cigarettes, chocolates, drugs or sex. According to Dr. David Kessler, author of ‘End of Overeating,’ a standard joke in the food industry is: “When in doubt, throw cheese and bacon into it.”

This leads us to bacon mania which has gripped the US. Nowadays you have bacon ice cream, bacon-infused vodka, bacon doughnuts, bacon mints and ‘Baconnator’ (six slices of bacon on top of half-pound cheeseburger (this sold 25 million in its first eight weeks) – more ideas for the parliament larder, as this is precisely what Sri Lanka and its parliament needs right now.

Like in the US, we could have bacon and beer tasting nights, and ‘bacon of the month’ clubs. Bacon is seen as American. Sarah Hepola, in a 2008 article in Salon.com, says that eating bacon in the modern, health-conscious world is an act of rebellion: "Loving bacon is like shoving a middle finger in the face of all that is healthy and holy while an unfiltered cigarette smolders between your lips.”

She also suggests bacon is sexy (with a reference to Sarah Katherine Lewis' book Sex and Bacon), kitsch, and funny. Hepola concludes by saying that "Bacon is American".

If bread is unpatriotic, what about bacon? But the end justifies the means. If our parliamentarians can have brighter ideas after feasting on bacon, so be it, even though the likes of Wimal Weerawansa are sure not to touch it on moral as well as ethical grounds. Let’s hope such voices will be in a minority.

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Comments - 2

Calistus Jayatilleke Thursday, 06 December 2012 07:47 AM

A French couple, an Italian couple, and a Polish couple go out to dinner.
The French husband says to his wife "pass the honey, honey."
The Italian man says to his wife "Pass the sugar, sweety."
The polish guy, not quite understanding the situation, says to his wife "pass the bacon you fat pig".

sbd Thursday, 06 December 2012 04:11 AM

Just what the doctor prescribed to get rid of obese fat bellies!

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just What we really need

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