MUMS SHOULD KNOW BETTER

Some extraordinary happenings in schools have spurred the need for dress codes for mums. But, will they work?

“Thuhooot! What is this commotion of some schools asking papas and mamas of school kids to follow what they call a ‘dress code’, Tommo?” Ooty, an owl employed as a vermin exterminator at the Wallside Restaurant and Bar asked his pal and working partner a pussycat. Off duty, they were enjoying free beers courtesy of the Wallside management. While pussy lapped the bitters punctuated by puffs on a coffin nail he had stolen from a bar customer, the bird sucked beer through a straw. (It was the design of his beak, you see.)

“Oh yes,” meeoowed pussy. “The Daily Dodger carried a huge feature on the subject with one parent saying this, another something else and still more others airing some other views. Sure, they had a right to have their say about this dress code business which in my book simply means ‘appropriate attire’. For example you don’t go to a New Year eve dance in pajamas, wear jeans and a T shirt for a company board meeting or long johns to swim in a hotel pool, do you?”
 

Dress codes
“Ho-ho-hooot,” laughed the owl. “Those will be occasions worthy of special mention. One thing I noted was that the dress code issue was aimed at lady governors–not gents; that’s not surprising. Gents’ dress codes are limited by standard stuff they wear; shirt, trousers and casual moccasins or flip-flops for informal wear and a tie, a  jacket and proper shoes for formal wear. Shirt and sarong kits, the occasional a wavula or national kit rare nowadays and of course the readily recognisable ‘Empee’ kit are also in the dress code picture. Frankly a dress code for gents is unnecessary because they have nothing to ‘show off’, so to speak. Apart from muscle men, ordinary gents’ attitude to their bodies is pretty off-handish. To them their bodies are just arms legs, chests, pots and heads put together in some accidental fashion. Of course gents like peacocks tend to be macho in many strutting styles to impress the ladies they think are worth a ‘try’. But, with certain ladies things are a bit different; their bodies are their castles they pamper and often use to flirt, and bait gents for whatever purpose they have in mind. And those vary from getting a husband, landing a job, a better cut of beef at the butchers, a loan or even state secrets from politicos. There are some other ladies who use feminine graces just for the heck of it and consider their successes as proof of their attractiveness. History is full of such doings of low-class, middle class and high-class ladies. They leave puffing and preening gents far behind in buffets of attracting the opposite sex, you know what I mean,” hooted the  owl turning to his beer.

“Meeoowwyep (yep). There are exceptions to your standardisation of ladies, pal. I know of many who are nice, polite and decent even to a lowly pussy like me,” observed Tommo.
 

Miniskirts and faulty brakes
“Oh sure! I am commenting on the type that tends to ignite fires of all kinds,” laughed the bird. 
 “Anyway, ladies’ physical attraction to gents does not go on the highways of gents’ attraction to ladies. Ladies have a knack of raising gents’ passions so high, the gents’ brake systems fail ending in accidents and disasters. As a red-blooded pussy, just like our gents I have experienced brake failures. And I am damn sure you too must have lost your brakes now and then,” purred pussy with a smirk.

“Whoom, whooom,” agreed the bird, “as owls, passions towards the dames start pretty early. Haven’t you realised that our governors; the gents I mean, also kick off quite early in that direction. But the early drive to procreate confuses boy governors with barely any hair on their faces. Worse, they are easily attracted to females that trigger off basic instincts. So they are pretty vulnerable because of the chemistry.”

“Ahhh,” meowed pussy finishing off his beer and taking a long pull on the filched Gold Leaf. “That reminds me of the era of mini-skirts that showed plenty of leg not exhibited before. Bare skins sparked off several things. Young lads, middle-aged governors and aged governors stared and stared; car accidents increased when drivers were mesmerized by mini-skirted ladies marching by. Instance of sexual harassment and rape also kept pace, the police busy and Victorian types gasping for breath in disbelief. Once the papers reported that in a London double-decker a governor who couldn’t resist the temptation of a mini-skirted thigh, had bitten it.”
 

Cradle snatching mums
The bird laughed. “Now I understand the need for a dress code for mums whose sons attend boys’ schools–naturally. Dads don’t count; they don’t cause lads to lose their brakes; but the ladies damn well can.” 
“Yah, yah, and girls’ schools don’t come into the picture,” purred pussy. “The issue of mamas’ dress codes and behaviour in schools their sons attend has hit a high note. And no wonder. Many schools have found that some young mums doll up and dress provocatively when they come to drop and pick up their sons from school. The results have been alarming. It was found that an ‘A’ level student who had been enticed by the charms of another student’s mum cutting school to err...spend time with her; a shameless cradle snatcher. In another case, a school boy eloped with a mum older than his own mum. Because of such happenings school principals–Christian priests have been compelled to advise mothers to dress and behave appropriately when chaperoning their sons to and from school. Can you imagine a need for holy intrusions to stop unholy alliances?”
 

The silence of governing lambs
“But it hasn’t worked; some still love the taste of forbidden fruit. You think dress codes will do the trick?  No way. Mothers should take the responsibility of proper etiquette acceptable to society when visiting their son’s school. Thankfully there are mums who behave responsibly; but you still see other mums painted up and dressed like harlots set on chasing even school boys.” The bird sounded touchy. “There are two questions I have to ask, Tommo. First, don’t hubbies have any say on the manner their wives dress? The talk of a dress code is due to the irresponsible behaviour of some mothers–adults that affect school boys–minors. So my second question is this. Isn’t there a legal issue in these mama-school boy episodes where mothers are the perpetrators? If so, what is the government doing about it? Just read and listen to media reports and say ‘now, now what have we got here?’ The bird raised two thought provoking points.

“Purrshsh. The way marriages go today, I think many hubbies want their wives out of the way and vice versa. With regard to government responsibilities the present rules in place are probably from the last century. Even so, I suspect they are good enough to bring to bear some control, but it seems that no-one cares to implement them. Just imagine a mum seducing someone else’s under age son and getting away without been spanked for her misdeed?” 

“Have some patience, Tommo, things will take a different turn when some politico’s better half does a bolt with her son’s class mate and the media makes hay with the story–the real one and the stuffed ones. In such a situ our governors’ authorities quick on the draw only when startled, would do something funny–like banning lady governors from visiting boys’ schools. But I’ll take a bet that even such a cockeyed rule and dress codes won’t work for mums who have lost their way. They have to correct themselves, through plain sense or even through therapy,” hooted the wise-looking bird..