Why do couples have children?

Every little thing in nature has a reason. There is a reason behind the rain, reason behind the sunshine and a reason behind every amazing thing around us. You could therefore see the prudence of creation and understand how in nature itself, we could find marvellous patterns of interdependence. As odd a prelude as this may seem to such a topic, let your minds now be assured that this is in very much relevance to the following paragraphs.

Why do couples have children? This is a question quite sufficient to baffle many a Lankan, not because they don’t have an answer, but simply because they find the answer too obvious. People get married and then they must have children, what’s all the fuss about, they may ask. Most of them never see the multitudes of forces behind.

 “In a collective culture like in Sri Lanka, many people want to get married and most of them want to have children and a few months after people get married, people ask what’s new - they expect to hear about a foetus. The young couples are socially pushed to have children” says Dr. Shavindra Dias, MD (psychiatry), MBBS, Dip. in Psych., BA (Oxford UK), Consultant Psychiatrist Teaching Hospital Peradeniya, Suwasewana Hospital Kandy and Central Hospital Colombo, Senior Lecturer Dep. of Psychiatry , faculty of medicine, University of Peradeniya.

Adding more on this subject from his own experience, Dr. Dias explained the different aspects of this social pressure. “After marriage, one of the key reasons couples want to have children is to check the fertility of the woman or the virility of the man to prove the consummation of the marriage. This is also to check if a person is gay as gay people are also eligible for heterosexual marriage in Sri Lanka. Another reason people want to have children is to please their parents. “For some, life is all about ticking boxes - OLs, ALs, first class degree, then to find a suitable partner, and the next step is to have a child.”

Are these the right reasons to be having children? Is it fair on the child to be born just for the selfish intents of the parents or the society? “Having a child is not like buying a brand new car” adds Dr. Dias. “There is a fundamental difference between a brand new car and a child. A car is an object that would do what you want; you pump in the petrol and you drive as you please, but a child is a living being that needs love, care and the constant attention of the parents. A child has demands that money can’t buy. Sadly, in this competitive world, ticking the boxes doesn’t end here. People then pursue their career goals, they keep running and the innocent children get neglected. In some cases, the parents end up with different sexual partners and then the child becomes the ‘kid I had with my ex’. ”

“Couples who are not ready to have children for the right reasons must not have children at all. It is true that without children they would be missing a little bit of life, but the parents they should not rob off a child’s life just for their amusement. Having a child is a responsible decision and commitment and it should all be done in the best interest of the child and not to please themselves or anyone else. If you don’t like your brand new car, you can sell it, but you can never sell your child”, Dr. Dias firmly stated.



After marriage, one of the key reasons couples want to have children is to check the fertility of the woman or the virility of the man to prove the consummation of the marriage. This is also to check if a person is gay as gay people are also eligible for heterosexual marriage in Sri Lanka



So how should the parents decide to have a child? Dr. Dias had the following to say.  “I would ask people, just like in business, to do a full-scale cost benefit analysis before having a child and truly evaluate how much of a child’s demands they can meet. There must be a solid plan before one takes away the condom.”