Why do children cut themselves?

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Some scars of heart are too deep for children to ignore; sometimes they seek solace in bringing the very scars to the surface, to find release of their inner turmoil by reflecting their inflictions in the very physical form. It is no longer a secret that a lot of children have started cutting themselves; in fact it has now even risen to a horrific level of an epidemic as research keeps uncovering more and more school children cutting themselves in groups. This proportion of children has dramatically increased within the last couple of years and its unlikely the numbers would be so merciful in future unless immediate steps are taken to control the situation. Though embarrassment has caused a lot of parents to play ignorant and not bring this issue onto the tables of social discussion, most of them are utterly helpless.

“There are several reasons why it is of crucial importance for us to address this issue” said Psychiatrist and Senior Lecturer at the University of Peradeniya, Dr. Shavinrda Dias.

“It is the tip of the iceberg, but there are ways to prevent this. Children who cut themselves have a lot of associated problems and we need to understand children are the future of our country and if these issues persist, it would seriously undermine the prospects of our future generation. These issues are generally classified under depression and borderline personality disorder, but in my experience, I’ve almost always found deep emotional abuse related to parenting of children who cut themselves. ” he added.

All children crave love and affection, it is in the very essence of the human nature the need to express and receive love. Sadly the modern parenting has severely deprived children of the truest form of love and care. Even the very perception of love is distorted nowadays, for a modern parent; the expression of love has come down to a mere action of taking the children to Singapore on a vacation or simply getting them a brand new toy. In a consumer oriented world, everything is valued in terms of money and parents in turn have started assessing their contributions towards their children in monetary terms. The better food, the better gifts, they think amount to more love and more care.

“Children need parents on a daily basis, they need a deeper connection that evolves with time and provides a solid foundation for the development of their characters. I’ve met many children who complain their parents are not there for them. It is easier for a lot of parents to set the children in front of the television, the parents are unaware how much neglected a child would feel without the proper attachments. Eventually the children would start feeling that they are not wanted and they would try to form attachments with strangers. Some of these children discover their mutual misfortunes on Facebook groups and they meet each other and find out they are incapable of blending in with the rest of the world. These children constantly feel empty and tend to be very impulsive and lonely. The pain caused from cutting themselves becomes their happiness.” added Dr. Dias.

Discussing the ways to help such children and to prevent such abuse in children, Dr. Dias had the following to add. “People should not have children unless they have time for them. The question is not whether you could afford a child; it’s whether you could truly nurture one of the most amazing gifts life has to offer. It’s better to consider dinkies (dual income no kids) than to have kids and neglecting them.”

It’s true that people are much busier compared to those days, but the discussion also pointed out some ways in which the parents could give time for their children. “If you can give three hours a day for your child, that period of time should be focused on activities that would strengthen their confidence and make them feel involved. For example, a father could wash the car with the child; a mother could set and clean the table with the child. Even the more modern activities like playing games or talking through skype, the parents could actually involve the child. I would implore the parents to leave their office work in the office. Switch off the phones. Do something with the child that would build up a strong and genuine connection based on love and trust. A child who receives much love would never go astray; they’d turn into loving individuals with strong characters. Children would share their problems when they trust the parents, they would learn to bridge the emotions and learn to be trustworthy. Lot of parents think that abuse happens only when people act, but inaction is far worse abuse that could scar a child for lifetime. I implore parents not to abuse their children with gross negligence,” explained Dr. Dias.

There’s nothing quite as beautiful as a child, it is their dreams that hold the realities of future. Children have feelings, they are living beings and they need love and affection, where there’s no love, humanity would simply cease to exist.


- Dr. Shavindra Dias - MD (psychiatry), MBBS, Dip. in Psych, BA(oxford UK), Consultant psychiatrist at Suwasewana Kandy and Central Hospital Colombo, Senior lecturer, faculty of medicine, University of Peradeniya.