Gender Based Violence Abuse of women an all too common pandemic across the globe

Justice  Shiranee Tilakawardane sent out a warning note on ' Facebook ' and its users, where she  said that parents and children should be very wary about Facebook and especially to have their photographs on it.  She said that in certain instances they could blackmail and also threaten one's life. She said a certain old man is behind the screen, who had posted a youngish looking photograph on the Facebook and was trying to 'groom ' those whom he intends to befriend as his target for sexual excitement.

Justice Tilakawardane was voicing her thoughts at a youth-based project to eradicate gender-based  violence  through education and empowerment.  This conference and workshop was held at the Trinity College Hall, chaired by Dr. Firdosi Metha, the Country Head - WHO.

The background to this initiative is "Abuse of women" which is an all too common pandemic across the globe.  Nowhere is it more prevalent sadly than in developing nations, such as Sri Lanka.  Action against these atrocities is woefully limited or non- existent largely due to long ingrained gender prejudices and chauvinism as well as due to public ignorance and or apathy.

A CARE International study conducted in Sri Lanka finds that 44.6 per cent of young men had revealed that their first perpetrators of sexual violence when they were between 15 - 19 years of age, while 51.85 per cent were between 20-29 years of age.

Justice Tilakawardane quoting an example said that a girl in Colombo bought a 'bra and panty' and put it in the Facebook, she also had a boy friend.   Those days it was the telephone and she said that at one time all were young.  Now,  with the cell phones, there is the devise called 'sexting' - talking of explicit language on a phone.  When you are transmitting that picture to a friend, maybe to a girl friend, she said.  "See what I have picked up from a Fashion House".  Then, there is one person who will capture it.  Parents do not know this and today a sign of status is to buy a Computer and give it to your child or perhaps a cell phone.  Parents do not know the computer language, nor do they realise what the children are up to.  The moment you get into a 'chat show ' you chat with somebody not of your age, who may be fifty years older, who is grooming you  and who is preparing to sexually exploit you.  So, she said, what will they do, they would  say that he is a young boy and they would take a picture of a handsome young boy and send it as their own picture , which is termed 'grooming  you '.  

So what would be done is that these young women pour out their thoughts on a person who had been known only by a photograph, they would go to the extent of telling "Oh! my father scolded me today ".  The man on the screen would collect information about you, where you are, who you are.  That person is not giving you any truth or any information that is true.   Sending pictures on the 'Web'' they are capturing these pictures, putting them on pornography.  They call their parents and 'blackmail' their parents.  She said they will say, 'Your child is on this, give us money to take this out.  She would further say it is very difficult to take out websites'.

Justice Tilakawardane quoting an example said: " What happened in a particular case in Colombo was that this girl had a Facebook picture, there is a thing called  'morphing' that is, your face is placed on a nude body.  That face is on a phonograpic website.   This is sent to you and when you download the website, then you are horrified to see yourself nude.  What do they do, they would blackmail you, or they would say, unless you do this, unless you come and meet me, first this photograph without your clothes.  The first thing is preventing, never let people enter your Facebook unless you know them. You tell your best friend and the best friend tell the rest of the world, then your friend becomes your foe  and then it is a problem.  Putting yourself on the Facebook, one has to be very careful. She said that care should be taken and have a Facebook  without names, pictures or have a picture taken some years ago.  The idea is to be cautious.

Justice Tilakawardane went further to tell the parents, that if someone is blackmailing their child, they should go to a good teacher, some elder sister or a elderly person that one is blackmailed and to report to the authorities.  If not she said that one would be blackmailed, trapped and taken down the line and ultimately end in sexual exploitation.  She added that a number of things could be said on the 'new ' media intervention, prevent it and warned  " Be careful what you should  put on  Facebook., which can be used against you and which could be used by a predator ".   She said that it is not a person of your age but a ' dirty old man sitting before a screen trying to exploit  someone'.

Justice Tilakawardane said:  " lets change society from a different perspective.  First , don't bow your head to everything .  The Roman Dutch Law, hundred of years ago, thought that a woman was a chattel, so that you have twenty pots, thirty pans and one had a woman and you are all part of a ' Baduwa '.  That is an inappropriate language and all you girls get together and say ' this guy does not know how to respect us, women - ostracising women. You need to change this society. Professional women, we are stationed all over the country.  We are trying to change it as it should be so.  You should have the right to be equally free at any moment.  Today you are lucky that you have a cellphone, a friend you would standby, there are lot of nice men around, who will help you out.  Call and then get them.  You are in a better place than you were.  It is a great thing to be a 'tomboy'.  It was characterized in films, of a women who  was strong,  who had a personality, who was haughty, was described as a wicked stepmother.  But women who would be good as ideal women were good.  But, let us change this idea and let us become powerful women in our own place, not to be defined as to what we should do and what not to do, exercise our choice.  If someone says something detrimental say it straight to his face. "
Justice Tilakawardane said that this generation of women would not tolerate as they are educated and that all people are equal.  She warned that all girls should ostercise all boys who are not respecting you.  She finally said that the man who is respecting you, should be given respect.

To change Society, to change values, one has to challenge and articulate a common voice, which is not happening in Sri Lanka was the candid opinion of Professor Savithri  Goonesekera.  She also said that people are increasingly becoming silent in the present environment of the country. No one would  say anything  about anything and that is the part of the  problem. With this type of exercise this is the exercise, where we are  allowed to think, look at problems, articulate a voice be a force to change.

Professor Goonesekera said that even if development occurs, if society degenerates  one cannot bring back this society to make that crucial difference and effect meaningful change.  

Abuse of women is an all too common pandemic across the globe.  Nowhere is it more  prevalent ,sadly, than in developing countries  such as ours.  Action against these atrocities is woefully  limited or non- existent largely due to long ingrained gender prejudices and chauvinism as well as public ignorance and apathy.

There is a binding value in parenting to rather cherish your children, whether they be girls or boys and be a friend to them.  Increasing if you are a friend to your child, the child's first source of security is the parent. The child would come to you to talk to you of the problems and together will solve them.  Sadly what is happening today, parents are becoming more authoritarian, than they were ever before.  They are not talking to children and this is replicated, by working in the school.  Teachers not been friends, teachers are been authoritarian.  Actually ultimately boils down to non- authoritarian parenting.  Non-authoritarian parenting, non-authoritarian school environment, so that teacher, adult and  parent can be preserved by child as a trusted guide who is going to help them  to cope with lifetime.

Dr. Firdosi Rustom Mehta- Country Head of the World Health Organization, said that the audience go away with the misunderstanding with the efforts are  only targeted at the youth.  This is only one of the efforts, as this case study  was done as one of the best knowledge based scientific evidence information for Sri Lanka.  Five working groups were formed, one of the working groups was youth and since a youth, that is Birendran, came up , that is why all of us are here.  There were working groups on women affairs, on adults on youth, on children and the private sector.  All of them has gone through full iterated process last year  and has come out with written recommendations and a report is there.  But, he said that he is very happy to say that from the youth working group these are activities on the ground.  

Background to this workshop came from a youth Birendra Siriwardene. Among the speakers were Dr. Manoj Fernando, Dr.Shiyama Arambepola, Mrs Nilupul Kulatunge and Ms RoseMKarie Greve.

The Governor of the Central Province Tikiri Kobbekaduwa was also present.