As such, the definition of success varies among different groups of people. For some it would be intrinsic but for others it would be extrinsic.
But with all these materialistic gains that people achieve in life, are they really happy with what they have? Or are they still in search of happiness?
Speaking at the Colombo Forum, Mel Medura Executive Consultant Dr. Manoj Fernando expressed his views on the role of parents, teachers and society in nurturing children to be successful adults.
Dr. Fernando is a Senior Lecturer in Applied Sciences at the Rajarata University.
“Negotiating the transition into adulthood is one of life’s biggest challenges,” he said.
“But it is quite a challenge to advise the young people during these years. One may not know what another perceives as being a successful human being,” Dr. Manoj Fernando said.
Dr. Fernando said that there were two destinations in life; One where we intend to go and the other, where we actually go.
These destinations are quite different from one another. Also many people have different components in their ‘Road to success’ list.
“Some may want quite a lot of Majors to fulfill their educational requirements and define ‘I’ as their success, while others would want monetary gains to show that they are successful in terms of wealth,” he said.
Success in adulthood could be defined through a diverse domain of components including educational and occupational achievement, happiness, maturity, health and healthy behaviours, an absence of problems, being responsible and even finding a loving partner.
Yet, according to Dr. Fernando having a proper education alone was not everything about being successful.
There is more to life than just having a proper education.
Success as a survival instinct
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Humankind has been able to survive many shifts in its environment through centuries. The ability to adapt physically and mentally to a changing world keeps humans alive while other species gradually become extinct.
When speaking about success, a common error among humans is the fact that our brain potential is not equal to all.
On a hereditary point of view,
Dr. Fernando said that the brain size of every child was not the same at birth.
“This difference counts on a number of changes. Therefore, every child doesn’t become an A-grade scholar, every child cannot laugh at the same joke and not every child can excel in sports,” he said.
“Parents are often in the habit of pushing children to limits that they see as successful. But are parents serving justice to their children in this case? In my opinion it is not appropriate to give targets to children because it would be an added burden on them.”
“We do not know if a child could score an A, B or C in his or her exams. As such, we are assigning a burden when we ask them to score high in their exams.”
“Grades are not important. Gaining knowledge in every aspect of life is important. Yet, as of now, children are more focused on achieving higher grades to get through exams in a shorter period of time and ‘collect’ their ‘Majors.’
“Therefore, they are in a fast-track to achieve what they perceive as a ‘success’. But above all these achievements, do they feel content of themselves? This is a question to answer,” he noted.
Success begins in childhood
The Sri Lankan educational system has taken many a toll during the past few years. With a number of loopholes, there are many children who are still able to get through exams with flying colors.
But those who fall to the category of ‘slow-learners’ receive a different kind of treatment. They are often stigmatised and do not receive a lot of attention.
Many schools were engaged in the practice of fragmenting all the ‘bright’ kids into the ‘A’ Division and the others in the next two divisions. But this system has now changed and every class has a mix of every kind of student.
The problem with inclusive education in Sri Lanka lies in the fact that, even teachers are now in a fast-track to success.
“They want to teach the best students with the best of their abilities and receive awards for this ‘effort’, he said.
“In this case, slow-learners get neglected and they have to be independent. This will not pave their path to success. When looking at it in another perspective, there may be brilliant students among this ‘slow-learning’ group as well. When setting limits to children, they would find no satisfaction in their lives. Children should be allowed to set their own targets,” he explained.
Role of parents, teachers and society
Although children achieve their targets and become adults parents should always look into their psychological well-being.
They may achieve targets but may not be satisfied with what they have. Adding his views on this subject, Dr. Fernando said the children were always being pressurized by many groups.
“Parents should not demand when they speak of what they want their child to be. Enclosing them in a particular frame would deprive them of their thinking abilities and most of all, freedom.”
“This would in turn act as a kind of detachment from the parent-child bond when children see parents as a nuisance. As such, children should be allowed to be independent. Homo Sapiens are the only creatures on earth who thrive on a parental dependency. If we take animals in the animal kingdom, parents teach their kids how to hunt and protect themselves and detach from them.”
He added that social constraints too contributed to this story of becoming a successful individual.
“If a woman is not married by the age of 30, society would look down on her as a different human being. It is also quite difficult to accept a person for who he/she is. But when taking success stories of world leaders, what we have come across is the fact that they have succeeded in making a bigger impact on society rather than in a group effort,” he said.
On a concluding remark Dr. Fernando said that the focus should be turned inward.
“We should first focus on ourselves. We should first change ourselves and this method we used to change the way we think and act differently could then be applied to society,” he said.
“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
