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12 November 2022 12:31 am - 34     - {{hitsCtrl.values.hits}}

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It is clear that remaining in stasis legally, ethically and culturally in a world that is progressing, will result in our going backwards rather than forwards as a nation

 


Australia has recently clarified its definitions of consent, as recently as July this year. Under these new laws, consent to sexual activity must be positive and explicit, not assumed in the absence of a no or reluctance on the part of one of the parties

What has not been highlighted in the media is the alleged perpetrator’s refusal to wear protection. There is a segment of Sri Lankan society that takes pride in not wearing condoms or using contraceptives as they feel it adversely affects their sensory pleasure in the experience 

The question that we need to ask in Sri Lanka is: What do we do about educating people on consent? Education on ethical and moral values needs to start at home, at schools, and among families and youth groups 


 

Much has been written and said in the last few days since the news was released that a Sri Lankan cricketer has been charged with sexual assault by an Australian woman. Between the memes, lewd jokes and knowing digs, what is clear to many is that Sri Lankans have a very woolly idea when it comes to what entails consent in the area of sex. The immediate assumption is that if a woman invites a man to her home, she has given him consent to have sex. Starting from the fact that the accuser met the cricketer on a dating app, Tinder, this in itself has been touted as proof of her intention to have sex.

 

No means no
Consent with regard to any kind of sexual activity involves the ability to withdraw consent at any point during the encounter and this is clearly articulated in the current Australian law in the jurisdiction of the State of NSW, where the alleged incident took place. 


Many Sri Lankans – women as much as men – are making remarks on social media along the lines of “it takes two to tango” and “she invited him to her house so she was asking for it”. 


This kind of response highlights the ignorance which is normalised in our culture about rights and responsibilities in the sexual realm.


The idea of withdrawing consent even during an act of sex is alien to many Sri Lankans, as evidenced by the arguments presented on social media. The lines are blurring between morality and sexual deviancy in a very troubling manner where it is apparently considered almost expected or acceptable for a woman to be raped if she invited a man to her home and a cultural double standard portrays her as desperate or amoral for wanting to have sex with someone.


A male friend recently described how there have been instances where he was invited to a woman’s home with the intention to have sex but did not even receive a kiss and they just spent the night together without any kind of sexual activity. And this is perfectly acceptable. Even if at some point the intent was to have sex, anyone is free to withdraw that consent and is under no obligation to go through with an act with which they are not comfortable. This applies not just to women but to any person concerned.


Sri Lanka’s laws are quite clear on certain aspects of consent without which a sexual act would be considered rape. Consent obtained through the threat of force, fear and intimidation is not considered consent for sexual intercourse. Furthermore, a person who is not sound of mind – including being unconscious, or intoxicated – cannot give consent for sexual intercourse as per the law. These guidelines are quite clear although they do not explicitly articulate at which instance consent can be withdrawn.


What is clear is that everyone exercising their right to free expression on social media is also exposing their own beliefs about gender rights, sexual violence, the status of men and women in Australia and Sri Lanka respectively, differential sexual freedoms and, above all, what constitutes sexual consent between adults.


Australia has recently clarified its definitions of consent, as recently as July this year. Under these new laws, consent to sexual activity must be positive and explicit, not assumed in the absence of a no or reluctance on the part of one of the parties.


The accused in this case is said to have had disciplinary inquiries in the past with regard to his conduct in terms of training, team discipline and conducting himself in a manner suitable for a national cricketer. Of course, a person is innocent until proven guilty and one cannot arbitrarily use instances of the past to prove a present-day situation. However, many accounts speak of interference from management and figures of influence who have aided in his impunity all these years.


If this is the case, it furthers the jock mentality of Sri Lankans, who feel that certain athletes should be excused for their bad behaviour because they possess a talent that is seen as a national asset. 


This recalls the Brock Turner judgment in the US where a young man was given a light sentence by the judge so that he could further his swimming career, regardless of the fact that he raped a woman. Such instances really question the moral compass of a society that is willing to excuse a heinous crime like sexual assault on the basis that the person possesses a talent that must be guarded.


Having his past actions overlooked or excused may have emboldened the accused to behave in the same way he behaves in Sri Lanka in a foreign country, not appreciating the differences in cultural norms and values or believing he will not be impacted by them.


What has not been highlighted in the media is the alleged perpetrator’s refusal to wear protection. There is a segment of Sri Lankan society that takes pride in not wearing condoms or using contraceptives as they feel it adversely affects their sensory pleasure in the experience. 


This is very problematic, as contraceptives like condoms prevent STIs and pregnancy and are a precautionary measure that should be taken seriously. A cavalier attitude to such things points to an undue reliance on patriarchal privilege, which Sri Lanka, unfortunately, seems to exalt.


Much of the commentary on the case has shown the interest taken by the Sri Lankan public in the processes by which the case will be investigated and assessed under Australian law because the accused has been denied bail and is in custody in Australia.

 


Consequences of male entitlement
In Sri Lanka, justice for victims of sexual assault, rape and abuse is a slow, tortuous and inequitable process and many perpetrators are never held accountable for their actions. Women who accuse men in cases like this, in their subjugated and disempowered condition of implied inferiority and second-class citizenship status, are routinely mocked and disbelieved; toxic masculinity and gross entitlement are evident in the assumptions made about who said and did what.


The way Sri Lankan women as well as men have rushed to judgement and assumed that the accuser, in this case, is of low moral character because she met the accused on the Tinder dating app is indicative of the misogynistic beliefs to which they have been subjected and by which they now judge and assess others.


In the middle of all the social media chaos, many men are standing up for women in general by refusing to share the abhorrent memes that have been churned out ad nauseum and who have publicly said they are ashamed at how many people are rape apologists openly siding with the accused, calling him our boy, diminishing his responsibility and saying he needs to be defended against being victimised. He is not a boy but a man in his early thirties.


The racist and sexist stereotypes imposed by defensive citizens of Sri Lanka are most repellantly and raucously manifest in the way some on social media have described the accuser as white trash and a gold digger. 


Australian women are often seen by Sri Lankan men as sexually liberated and formed by a permissive culture because they enjoy greater freedoms of all kinds and exercise these with less shaming and hostility directed towards them than women do in a comparatively repressed Sri Lanka.


These hypocritical and classist projections fail to take into account the background of the accused. Because his status as a celebrity cricketer brings him admiration and respect in the performance of his sport, positive assumptions are made about him in contrast to the woman who has accused him of disrespect and violence towards her.


In Sri Lanka, a charge of sexual assault made against a prominent man would most probably not even reach the courts. What would such a claim achieve, in terms of justice, in a jurisdiction like Australia, where women’s rights are not routinely dismissed?


The correlation between macho sports and toxic misogyny is well-established. Celebrity golfers, tennis players, athletes, cricketers and rugby football players are often in the news headlines charged with sexual offences.

 


Re-victimising the victim
The expatriate Sri Lankan community in Australia, in a spirit of hospitality, has been organising night parties for the cricket team since they landed, according to media reports. The team has gone to clubs and casinos and accepted invitations to house parties. 


Some had even shared their rooms with women, sharing their living spaces. Members of the team attended booze parties until the early hours of the morning on days when they were representing their country in international matches. 


Athletes cannot perform well on the field while representing their country with a lifestyle like this. The codes of conduct that appear to have become normalised as shown by this incident are below the standard required of international cricketers. 


It is not only the irresponsible individual who needs to re-evaluate his behaviour but the administration and management who have enabled it.


There are hugely normalised beliefs in sports-loving societies that “boys will be boys” and that those superstars who play hard on the field should play equally hard off it, and in fact, should play the field hard as a socially acceptable badge of male prowess and virility. 


But Australia in recent years, with the progress of its #MeToo Movement, has successfully shown that such narcissistic affirmations disempower half the citizenry and should therefore be challenged, re-evaluated and changed.


There are many who see this as a landmark case because both societies are at a tipping point. As one elder statesman recently said:


“Social media commentary shows up Lankan attitudes in general, and especially the nationalistic miasma that lurks among chauvinists. The complainant is ‘dead meat’ in the minds of Lankan confreres.” But she is not in Sri Lanka and her right to privacy is respected in Australia.


The dude-bros of all genders on both sides of the Indian Ocean are, of course, busy belittling, objectifying and slut-shaming the “girl” (who is 29), saying “It is a common occurrence in all big-time sports. To the victorious hero or sportsman gets the spoils. “Women draped around prizewinning athletes like trophies, publicly showing their adoration, their respect, their attention and their admiration are seen as part of the rightful gains of a winner in toxic masculinist culture.


The accused’s legal team and supporters will say he is being scapegoated. People in damage control mode trying to rectify Sri Lanka’s public image will say this is a one-off incident and try to make the case that although the accused represents Sri Lanka in international cricket, he does not represent the attitudes of the culture which formed him.


The gold digger or extortion claim made by the court of public opinion against the accuser seems baseless, in the current economic situation, where the disparities between Australia and Sri Lanka are highlighted. The accuser’s legal team has apparently demanded 100,000 Australian dollars from the accused as a settlement.


This amount would purchase about ten days of legal representation by a barrister at 10,000 Australian dollars per full day in court in Sydney. This does not seem like gold-digging in Australian terms. Australia is – and has been for many years – one of the most expensive countries in the world to live in. But in Sri Lankan currency, currently devalued due to the ongoing economic crisis, this amount is currently over Rs. 2.3 million.


It will not be fair just to scapegoat one man. 


However, if this incident is treated as a “one-off” national embarrassment and hastily buried and glossed over, it will conceal the fact that under the myths and golden legends we prefer to believe about our society is a veritable hotbed of pending issues. There are many other cases of violations of decent and ethical conduct, locally and internationally, that are occurring regularly but which do not emerge into public knowledge because the nation as a whole would prefer to feel pride rather than shame.


However, the more such coverups go on, the less genuine self-respect and the more shame and embarrassment the citizens of the country will feel.

 


Australia – a good act to follow
If we look at Australia as a civilized country today, it is because its citizens have increasingly chosen laws that uphold the rights of its citizens and clearly define what is and is not a crime and an offence. This positive trajectory has happened slowly, over many years, and with a lot of activism and protest that gradually made the majority of its citizens aware of issues about which they had formerly been ignorant.


Australians two decades ago bravely investigated child sex abuse charges even against public figures against strong opposition by people who felt that it was wrong to question the conduct of such people. The rights of the vulnerable have been far more greatly recognised in recent decades in Australia as a result of these public debates. This has resulted in a more decent and respectful, civilized society. But it is the product of collective effort.


Australia is not perfect. However, in this area, in its willingness to choose to do better, to create greater justice and equity for its citizens, it could be seen as exemplary. But only if in the areas of greater respect for the status and dignity of women and clarification of consent, its example is followed. This case could be a wake-up call for the citizens of Sri Lanka. The outcome has a better chance of occurring through the matter being judged in the legal system of Australia. That in itself is a truth worth facing.

 


Sex education is the need of the hour
The question that we need to ask in Sri Lanka is: What do we do about educating people on consent? Education on ethical and moral values needs to start at home, at schools, and among families and youth groups. 


This is why sex education with an understanding of present-day requirements is important. Many think sex education means teaching children how to have sex and equating it to porn. Religious authorities, politicians and various elements have interfered in this process, which has resulted in youth not knowing where to make and respect boundaries or draw the lines with regard to sexual conduct and not knowing how to manage natural feelings of desire and deal with issues of self-worth, self-awareness and consent in a society where their sexual desires are stigmatised and forcefully suppressed.


There is currently a huge problem in urban schools of nude photographs being shared on social media as a form of blackmail and extortion. These are glossed over and denied because of Victorian Era codes of morality and shame factors which only exacerbate the situation and offer no relief or recourse for people. 


The more we pretend and hide behind these veneers of touted culture, the more these things fester and grow. And the results are what we are witnessing today.


For many women who have been victims of rape or sexual assault, this incident is a reminder of how much further Sri Lanka has to progress in this regard. With a rape conviction rate of less than 5%, the country’s track record for justice in these instances is shamefully inadequate.


An acquaintance was relating her experience with rape in Sri Lanka where she was told by the police that since she was sexually active it cannot be considered rape as it is rape only if it is a virgin who has been violated. She was also told that since she is physically big, she should have fought him off. Arguments like this are symptomatic of the judgmental attitude many institutions in this country have with regard to victims of sexual assault. Who wants to come forward to seek justice if this is the attitude and the response from the authorities concerned?


There is a fine line between wanting some semblance of puritan morality for oneself and then imposing that on others who do not follow a similar belief system and imposing punishment on them for wanting to do so. The forbidden fruit – sex – has always been the measurement of a woman’s virtue in a very patriarchal sense and this incident is highlighting to what extent it is still so.


Sri Lankans can grow from this and see it as an evolutionary challenge and a prompt to progress or reveal our wish to continue to shame and blame and evade accountability. We can grow up or stay morally immature as a culture. 


What is clear today is that remaining in stasis legally, ethically and culturally in a world that is progressing, developing and advancing will result in our going backwards rather than forwards as a nation. And the younger generation is watching to see what our celebrities, authority figures and decision-makers are putting forward and endorsing as models of good behaviour.


-Courtesy Groundviews


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  Comments - 34

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  • haris wijayasiri Saturday, 12 November 2022 07:32 PM

    The cricketer matter is a personal issue of the accused. Why SLC is defending him is beyond belief. If the Sri Lankan macho men think that 'white' women are waiting for them with legs wide open, just come your senses. Dating and consensual sex is the culture here as long as consent is given. It is not a honey trap. Enjoy responsibly. If accused, you are guilty. A prince lost his glamour not long ago for similar acts. Let him answer and defend his misdeeds. 'Wanathamulla' have enough of women who could satisfy him, I presume.

    Female Sunday, 13 November 2022 10:25 AM

    After all those insulting masculine comments finally someone who understand that this is not about cricket but women abuse. It is abhorrent that all the attention goes to this man, money and cricket. Truly a big difference between cultures. I feel sorry for Sri Lankan women.

    Winning matters Sunday, 13 November 2022 05:59 AM

    Really good article. Really well explained. However, The stone age harsh mentality is more common in backward situations like repressed Sri Lanka. Wonder if the writers saw the abuses done to protestors this year, and viciousness of 300,000 military. Unless there's practical steps to overcome that trying to improve mentality of people will be impossible. Now getting into proper lanka thinking - Sri Lankan dual citizens in Australia are nobodies here, as they are denied form being able to represent as Sri Lankans in parliament since 21A. They are biggest losers, as they can't be elected into Australian parliament for being Sri Lankan (citizens). No point trying to use Australian examples since they seem on the path of wanted to get bombed by China soon too. Australian Home Affairs Yaksani Minister makes a big show about how Sri Lankan will be rejected if they come there, so go to hell Australians, and Sri Lankans there too.

    Mokada methana hore Tuesday, 15 November 2022 06:02 AM

    Australians are over-rated, and most of the Sri Lankans in Australia are those who couldn't succeed here - that is felt they were failing here, and went there in hopes of better life.

    Winning matters Sunday, 13 November 2022 05:59 AM

    I would like to add, No means No to Australian garbage.

    Jasmine Sunday, 13 November 2022 04:14 PM

    Lmao... If you read all the comments from @Winning matters, it is obvious this creep is a deeply disgruntled bitter loser without much of a life!

    Never Yes Friday, 18 November 2022 04:47 PM

    Yes means No to Aussies. Everything means No to them. They are largely using artificial means to have children because their society no longer has natural biological capability either. Too many have long wasted the best years of their biological lives against what evolution naturally had.

    Patriarch Sunday, 13 November 2022 03:14 PM

    Advice to all the gentlemen please be careful of these complicated creatures called women. Don't go to their homes even if invited. For these Eves Yes means No and No means maybe Yes or No or there may be a hidden agenda or ulterior motive. Not to generalize as there are good ladies out there too

    Lasantha de Silva Sunday, 13 November 2022 04:13 PM

    Winning matters: complete BS. By the way, did you read the article at all?

    Mokada methana hore Sunday, 13 November 2022 05:23 PM

    Where do the writers get their information about "The accuser’s legal team has apparently demanded 100,000 Australian dollars from the accused as a settlement." The accuser is having the the NSW Government prosecute Danushka. Are the writers fabricating about it? Who is the so-called other legal team of the accuser?

    Mokada methana hore Sunday, 13 November 2022 05:27 PM

    @Female - Sri Lankan woman are fine. Their life is not as easy the lives of women in wealthy countries, but as writers say they're into strongly condemning the Australian woman - are making remarks on social media along the lines of “it takes two to tango” and “she invited him to her house so she was asking for it”.

    Nelum Monday, 14 November 2022 10:26 AM

    @ Mokada methana hore, so if your mother or sister invites a male to your house and gets raped is that "asking for it"?

    Female Sunday, 13 November 2022 06:47 PM

    To winning matters: why do you change the subject? Are you insecure and jealous of modern Australian men?

    Winning matters Monday, 14 November 2022 06:07 PM

    Why are you bringing up about 'modern Australian men'? That's a change of subject. The accuser as against Danushka is the vicious deceiver, but hope she's a rarity in Australia. Just like Thilini Priyamali the lying thieving scum is one of the few here. Sri Lanka people/government obviously funding for case for Danushka on the expectation he's innocent.

    Female Monday, 14 November 2022 12:03 AM

    Disgusting comments from very sexfrustrated male pigs. And Mokada, I am not talking about the difference in life between wealthy and not wealthy women. I mean the differences in culture. Just read what Sri Lankan men write about women. Poor Sri Lankan women have to live with those backwarded men who never heard about women emancipation.

    Namal Tuesday, 15 November 2022 01:59 PM

    So calling male pigs . Isn't that sexist?

    Kirsten Andersen, Denmark Monday, 14 November 2022 01:24 PM

    Sri Lankan women judging a woman who is facing this horrific ordeal and defend this man with very low standards previous 'incidents' conceirned : it is the most cruel thing Sri Lankan women can do. Especially women must stand shoulder to shoulder with victims of sexabuse. No means no, no matter what.

    European Monday, 14 November 2022 01:38 PM

    # Mokada, if that is what Sri Lankan women are commenting on social media then Sri Lankan women are not fine at all. And Patriarch: your sexfrustated comment is not even worth to reply.

    Mokada methana hore Tuesday, 15 November 2022 05:45 AM

    Finding fault with Sri Lankan woman, when the writers claim men and women have the attitude is terrible. The culture of Sri Lanka may complete loss, not denying that, but saying Sri Lankan woman is not fine makes me wonder about you. Why don't you say that to Sri Lankan women whom next meet in person, and see where it gets you. Maybe the weakest minded will think you are great, must most who well off enough will think you're an arrogant European to say the least!

    Pearl Buck Monday, 14 November 2022 02:50 PM

    The authors are correct, if we do not educate and debate we will continue to go backwards both morally and financially. Sri Lanka is now being known on social media as not safe for women as groping and harassing women on public transport and on the street is publicised by foreign tourists. Kayleigh Fraser’s video on YouTube describes her rape and subsequent ordeal at the Welligama station. She is mocked laughed at by the police and asked her to retract her accusation. Other female foreign tourists have come forward with similar experiences of sexual violence in Sri Lanka describing the impunity the perpetrator enjoys with a seemingly complicit police. Groping and harassing women on public spaces is is a common occurrence is Sri Lanka.

    Winning matters Monday, 14 November 2022 07:36 PM

    Kayleigh Fraser was advocating for freedom and improved democracy, so I believe her about the awful rape she endured. Thoroughly unfair the decent woman had her visa cancelled. As far as I know she's still in hiding here too. Best wishes for her long term stay here (illegally). South Africa went through an awful time after getting free of Apartheid where the repressed persons then became thoroughly abusive - like much raping of infants of their own people. Once our country becomes a proper democratic the groping and harassing within our country will dissipate in time. That however, might take a long long time to happen, while everyone here loves our current culture and wants things as is.

    Mokada methana hore Tuesday, 15 November 2022 06:00 AM

    Problems with Sri Lanka have been around for long time. Ever since LTTE were defeated country is still trying to get to a post terrorist mindset. When there was security necessary preventing terrorism, it was like covid lockdown, less crimes. I expect situation is only going to deteriorate, and wonder why anyone would ever want to come here over other better value places. Even the BBC put it to our tourist Minister who somehow believes Sri Lankan brand is so superior it will drawn in crowds, and so overlook the lack of value for money.

    Winning matters Monday, 14 November 2022 07:25 PM

    @Jasmine I am thorough supporter of cricket players, and against liar who frames the innocent. Hope others also look up about "Women Who Lied About Being Raped".

    Winning matters Monday, 14 November 2022 07:55 PM

    Out of curiosity about authors other work read the Lilanka Botejue and Devika Brendon article "Plagiarism: A Plague or the New Normal?" on Groundviews. Anyone with awareness of Western decency/education ideals would know Palgarism is attempting to gain through deceitful means, in other words cheating and lying. Sri Lankan attitudes towards Palgarism by way of the article are of course a disgrace. If students find it okay to pagarise here for practical benefit - no wonder there are so many rapists and even teachers who harm children here. Stop the rot in the schools!

    Mokada methana hore Tuesday, 15 November 2022 05:55 AM

    @Nelum Not sure what context you're on about? My mother and sisters aren't seeking love or lovers. They often enough ask person workman/laborer to come do whatever paid tasks, just like many other confident women. And they are savvy enough to find out who's trustworthy to ask in to get the work done with. Most men aren't anything like the writers of the article suggest need education about. Maybe the authors are into teaching their grandmothers suck eggs too.

    playboy Tuesday, 15 November 2022 09:29 AM

    has anyone seen the profile of this australian girl? anyone know what pics she had on her profile? is this the first time she met a boy? is this the first boy to visit her home?

    Eper Tuesday, 15 November 2022 03:49 PM

    NO IS NO is correct.But is there legal evidence (cctv/eye witness).

    Sam Wednesday, 16 November 2022 11:24 AM

    Despite the health , Wealth and arrogance , most Sri Lankan men are really not civilized but nurtured with macho culture. Most of these men don't sit together with their wives or daughters to dine together. How one can expect them to respect their sexual conducts and consent.

    Female Wednesday, 16 November 2022 02:20 PM

    #Mokada : I am a Sri Lankan woman and I will tell you Sri Lankan women are NOT alright. They think it is normal that a man can rape a woman because she invited him into her house? Even if your husband forces you to have sex after cuddling etc. then this rape. No means no!

    Patriarch Thursday, 17 November 2022 02:57 PM

    There is nothing to force upon if married. It is an obligation to each other. If the wife demands sex then the husband is obliged to provide and vice versa. If the husband is unfit and unable to provide for the sexual needs of his wife, he is not doing his duties and vice versa !

    Never Yes Friday, 18 November 2022 04:49 PM

    Sri Lankan is already a failing country. Better you don't add to the population, and let the normal Sri Lankan woman have children. Wouldn't want your corruption afflicting next generation of children.

    Patriarch Thursday, 17 November 2022 02:27 PM

    No wonder the population growth rate is a meagre 0.2% and further declining in those regions probably due to their draconian rape laws. Seems like men stays away from these women that change their mind at different points during the act as allowed by the Act

    Never Yes Friday, 18 November 2022 04:51 PM

    Current State Minister for woman and children, working hard to keep child bearing age woman remaining in the country instead of going overseas to work. Under the guise of can't leave behind children under two.

    Female Thursday, 17 November 2022 06:13 PM

    Patriarch: I rest my case. You are a perfect example of the reason why Sri Lankan women are not doing fine.


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