Survey reveals Lankans top porn Googlers’ list. That’s not surprising when... THE WORLD IS HOOKED ON

24 January 2014 05:10 am

By Dhyan Abeyagoonasekera
“Sri Lanka has hit the top again, Darlo; this time it’s in Internet porn surfing. And that’s official. We may find it somewhat difficult to beat Pakistan at cricket, but we have pushed them to second place in porn,” Shelton Perera, the owner of the Wallside Restaurant and Bar laughed. His wife Joy pouring a cup of tea smiled to herself and said nothing.



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“Porn is easy to get these days; more than easy,” continued Shelton. “There is no need to go hunting for X-rated stuff at the back of DVD joints when you can have what you want at the click of a mouse. Porn on the Internet has reached a new level in what some call cheap sex.”

“You seem to have experience of it.” Joy’s response to what her husband said was something of a challenge.

Shelton grinned. “If I say, ‘no, I haven’t’, I am a liar. Why everybody has Googled porn, even women...”

Joy smiled roguishly and said, “Well, to be honest I have had a taste of it too. Don’t look at me like that Shelley, I am human too. Is porn only for men? If it is of any comfort to you, it was  accidental. One day I wanted a recipe using fresh cream and honey, and when I typed it into on my PC for a Google search, I got a whole lot of pictures of men and women having sex, websites for sex movies, sex clubs, sex magazines–the works. It was a surprising experience. To be frank, I have peeked into Internet porn when I had nothing much to do. I was curious to see what other people do,” admitted Joy.

Shelton grinned, “Whatever the reason, no-one is immune to Internet porn.”





More widespread than you think
Tommo, a pussycat employed at Shelton Perera’s Wallside Restaurant and Bar murmured to his working partner, Ooty an owl, “Meeooow, this Internet sex has conquered the world it seems, Ooty. Earlier it was associated only with our governors, but now research has shown it has trapped their wives as well.”
The two pals employed as vermin controllers at Wallside were relaxing in the Perera living room had heard their master and mistress on the subject of Internet porn.
“And also their kids,” tooted the owl.

“Really? That’s bad; I thought porn is for adult governors.”

“Bosh,” said the owl in a way owls do. “That was then; now, kids as young as 10 are hitting porn sites. Toothuh, (huh) they are starting young theses days, aren’t they?” The owl was sarcastic.

“Purr! I read somewhere that Internet porn is playing socks with our governors’ lives. When found out, in most girl and boy affairs of any kind, someone gets hurt. Marriages get hurt too. Though porn was not a big thing in divorce a decade ago, it is now. Perhaps it was because porn was as secret as the CIA then, whereas today most porn samples are free. The thing is even casual porn watching slams marriages when some governors find their wives not pretty enough, too fat, too thin, ‘not up to it in bed’ or not well enough endowed to make sex heavenly. That makes wives feel inferior. Wives too may find male porn stars more attractive than their pot-bellied men who snore, talk in their sleep and are mediocre in bed. Porn stars are hellishly attractive aren’t they?”
“Purrshsh. How the hell do you know?”

 “I have peeped when Mr Shelton was porn Googling,” tooted the bird.

“Naughty, bird, naughty bird,” laughed pussy.

“It was no big deal for an owl. But, if I can do at porn so can kids. No wonder they know enough about Internet sex soon after they are weaned from breast milk.  They are starting young, aren’t they? You know what else? Internet porn can become addictive as many governors have found out.”
“You don’t say?”





Habit-forming like kudu
“Thuhoootyep! (Yep). They say it’s something to do with some stuff in our governors’ brains that gives highs after shots of kudu. And,  kudu  becomes an ‘I cannot do without it, whatever the cost’ problem before you say, ‘hell, I am hooked’. So is Internet porn when the brain learns that porn helps to get rid of anxiety. As a result and our governors’ PCs become what they call erogenous zones. And the more addicts try to keep porn away from their minds, the more it comes popping back with ‘I want more’ demands.”

“Meooww, you are joking of course.”

“No, I am not. Dependence on Internet porn is so bad governments of some Suddah countries have opened porn counselling centres to help governors kick the habit. That means porn addicts need psychological treatment. ”

“Purshsh. But, surely the clergy can help members of their flocks hooked on porn?”

“Whoom, whooom, hold on, there’s a problem there too. It seems that porn on the Internet has  infiltrated the clergy. And some of them are seeking help to get out of it. Can you cap that?”

“Meeooowohell (oh, hell),” pussy screeched. “It’s that bad, eh?”

“That’s because, as porn becomes more and more pervasive, governors find it an ‘emotional investment’,” said the wise-looking owl.
“Meeooww. What the hell do you mean by an emotional investment?”

“I can put into more laymen language if you want,” responded the owl with a knowing blink.

“Meeowwnonoooo. (no, no). I can imagine the language you would use.” Pussy was well aware how freely his pal expressed ideas in bawdy owl language.
“Simply put,” tooted the owl, “the Internet satisfies their needs in a raw and basic sense. Why go on dates and look for ladies of the night, when all that is necessary is to Google?”





Does porn do any good?
“Meeoww, it’s all bloody messy, no? Isn’t there anything positive in  Internet porn?”

“There is some thinking in that direction,” tooted the owl. “Some governors say that porn is just a moral issue and that moderate porn surfing does not make governors aggressive or become sex maniacs.”

 “But, everybody says that porn sparks off rape, sadism and way out sexual things.”

“Thuhoot. Nope that’s not right. Porn is just an outlet for pretty funny sex desires our governors have. Thank God we are not like them. So porn reduces our governors doing messy sexual things. But whatever the pandithayas say, Internet porn has become a huge industry. It has grabbed school- going kids, governors, their wives, girl friends, homos the married and the unmarried by the scruff of their necks. And the numbers are growing and so is the industry topping billions of dollars worldwide.”





What’s the answer?
“Meeooww. The world has gone sex crazy. Can’t governments and the holy hierarchies do something about it?

“Thuhooot! That’s a dream. It’s like trying to stop the kudu that has crept into every hole in the planet. Likewise, if porn has infiltrated even the clergy, do you think that our governors’ wayward politiccas and government wallahs have escaped it? No way! Mark my words, like kudu, Internet porn is there to stay.”

tommo.ooty@yahoo.com