Switching ON the success button Raising kids with Intrinsic Motivation

If I were to have a mother’s “wish” list, each point on this list would be centered on my children. As parents we all want the best for our little ones. But sometimes our want does not really align with our children’s actions. This year has indeed been a difficult one for our children, with haphazard lockdowns, online learning and all extracurricular sports and other activities cancelled, at no fault of their own, our children have educationally just survived the year. This lack of consistent learning has also given rise to a school of unmotivated, uninspired and uncreative kids. Yes, they are lost, but they also lack the internal desire to help themselves. 

Most of the school year has been online, whilst this was a solution to an otherwise difficult situation, it has also given us a glimpse of what school in the future might look like, online, giving them an access to the world.

Especially in the case of our older children, where constant social interaction with peers is not an essential criteria in their educational portfolio, our teenagers now have the ability to upgrade themselves for the better. But how do we get them motivated to do this?

I have specimens of these unmotivated tweens/teens in my household. Easily distracted with filling their hours of the day with constant gaming, or diving into the rabbit hole of instragraming, tik toking, I feel with the stage of the world wide net as their educational platform, there is a lot they can do in addition to following their classes online. From learning to play the piano to starting their own online business, kids should find their own internal drive and motivation. 

What is Intrinsic Motivation?

Psychologists define intrinsic motivation as “a natural inclination toward assimilation, mastery, spontaneous interest, and exploration that is so essential to cognitive and social development and that represents a principal source of enjoyment and vitality throughout life.” It’s developing  a cognitive hardness, the drive, to do well for themselves, without us constantly “megaphone” droning in their ears. For some this intrinsic motivation to get ahead might come naturally, but for others there might be some nudging involved, here are some suggestions to get our children on the straight and narrow upwards!

01 Make room for mistakes 

When we fail, our immediate reaction is usually to be angry at our failure. It is important for children to see failure not as an endpoint but rather an encouragement to pick themselves up and try again. Cultivate the mixed emotions that they feel when they fail. Instead of accepting defeat, encourage themselves to try again, approach it better and with more success.

02 Foster a growth mindset

That feeling when you are appreciated for all your hard work is a definite motivator. With regards to our children acknowledge the hard work done by them in what every project they choose. This shows that you are proud of them for the hard world and it is a definite encouragement for them to strive for the better.

03 Breakdown goals

We should all have goals in life, the key to achieving your goals is to also to have an intelligent plan of action to achieve them. The best way to do this is to break it down into smaller goals. If your children have certain goals to achieve at the end of the year, be it to become a skilled pianist, learn to ride their bike or get an A in the upcoming test. Help your child set a plan, break it down, set up targets to achieve them and climb the ladder of success step by step.

04 Celebrate Success

If your child does good, celebrate it! Be it to reaching the next reading level to becoming the island wide champion, whatever the success, give it the due indulgence it needs. Because its not the end result that matters, but the journey to achieve it, is what gives each success the richness and happiness it deserves. When success is celebrated, your child will feel the win which will only motivate them to achieve more.

05 Give Gratitude

Perseverance, trying again and again is fuelled in equal parts by frustration, hope and optimism. Teach your children that when they fail, there is always a silver lining. That this lockdown year even though has dealt them devoid of a proper year of learning, with the online facilities it has opened them out to a plethora of possibilities. Extensive courses to follow, more skills to be acquired. By being grateful for what we have achieved, the loss we have endured gives us strength of character and motivation to think of our problems as situations to overcome and to keep pursuing our dreams.

I despise being the constant nagging, broken record “I told you so” parent. I understand as the parental figure in this relationship my role is to lead and motivate, but if there was some way in which we could instrincally motivate our children, switch on the switch to succeed, then I’m here for it. When children on their own develop the desire to succeed what ever they are doing then that is the battle won, despite whatever the outcome. This is the key to success. Intrinsic motivation, get yourself a batchful of it today!